Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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