I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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