He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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