So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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