Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
