i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
