omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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