She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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