Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize