i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
