rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
did you just send me my own nude
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
