when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
