I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
