Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
