My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
