I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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