I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
