Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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