Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
birth control should be required to get into college
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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