either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
