I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
