"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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