Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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