I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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