Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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