I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize