Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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