You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
