I cannot find my penis.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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