And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
