Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
