I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
40s are totally the cure
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
