careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
