I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
