I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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