just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
