If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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