I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
