I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
