So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
