belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
