just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
