he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
