I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
