the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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