the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
