You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
