you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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