I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
