i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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