the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
