remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
