Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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