my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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