Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
