i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize