just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
