he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize