My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
