watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
