I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
