it hurts more in the daytime
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
