ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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