:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
