He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
