i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The ass gains better be worth it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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