Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize