watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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