Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
