that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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