No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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