If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
