I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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