I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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