By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
