please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
