Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
