Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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