Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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