Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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