When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
