Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize