I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
