I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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