I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
