I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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